Friday, August 5, 2011

Think twice before you quite

Here is an email that I received and I have to say that it is nothing less
than impressionable considering the present state of many marriages today.
I don’t know from where this originated but it has a very powerful
message. If you’ve ever considered letting go of your marriage, then this
just may cause you to keep holding on….for the right reasons.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each
other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to
our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want
anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life
as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s
time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face
the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my
arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the
divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t
looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not
young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was
graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered
what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses
have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that
was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential
part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged
him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our
wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her
in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not
want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I
won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each
other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our
wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll
carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to
even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me
from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru
with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These
create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little
things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were
to success when they gave up.


So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has
joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

*Because I always want to give credit to an author of a work, I found the
original author after posting – Stephanie Hamilton Brown.

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